Unsettled and Broken

With unmet desires (not needs, mind you; just desires), and some pieces of the life-puzzle disjointed, others missing (you know... there's always the element of the unknown), I prayed a prayer the other morning prompted by Philippians 4:6-7:

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. ”

 

And I have to remind myself to trust … Jeremiah 29:11:

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

 

…and to be still …Psalm 46:10:

“Be still, and know that I am God…”

 

…and to believe …Mark 9:24:

“…I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!...”

 

And so I square up those shoulders, breathe steady, and go about my day determined not to be overwhelmed – God is in control. He’s got this.

 

 

So, what has me so confounded, anyway? 

Well, a few things. For example:

I don’t really care if Susie Student does her rotation in Massachusetts or New York, or whether Pete the Almost-A-PA does his elective in cardiology or dermatology, or whether either of them have up-to-date TDaps and 2-step TB tests… yet these are the kinds of details I'm responsible to iron out - ad nauseum.  And if I have to submit another affiliation agreement or forward another dozen different credentialing forms from XYZ Clinical Site to Susie or Pete, imploring them to have them completed by such and such a date or else they can’t start their rotation on time, I feel like I could just crawl under my desk with hopes of finding a man-hole cover there to hide beneath - ad infinitum!

I work with nice people and we have great students, but it’s not what I’m passionate about.  It’s not what gets me out of bed in the morning.  Well, actually, it is because if I don’t show up I’ll eventually get fired and I’m just not in a position to sacrifice the paycheck.  But, I don’t rise without a groan; and you can be sure I’m counting down the have-to-go-to-work mornings till I get 3 off (I work 4-10s).

Shared with me from KO's iPhone:

 

Instead, my passions lie in what my grandchildren are learning and experiencing – the latest and greatest adventures in the lives of a preschool boy and a toddler girl.  What new revelation struck him today?  Has she learned a new word? And would you look at that… she’s feeding herself!  It’s in wanting to provide their Mama, every now and then, with a morning to herself so she can clean the house – or focus on her photography business – or, really… just take a long, hot shower and read just one article from start to finish without interruption.

From Pinterest: click on photo to go to Pin Board

From Pinterest: Click on photo to go to Pin Board

It’s in simply tending to my home and yard where my dogs can run safely and freely, and I can care for my hens (the ones I want to get) and enjoy the bounty of their egg-provision (our very own fresh eggs from happy hens – I long for the day!). I want to grow a potager garden from which I cook healthy meals for my hubby and myself, and then to "put up" the over-abundance to sustain us through the winter months.

Simple, wholesome [self-centered] desires.  {sigh}

 

That’s not what has me thrashing within, though; not what brought brokenness. 

Later in the day, I read this on Ann Voskamp’s blog where Christine Caine has guest-posted:

“Jesus warned us that because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most would grow cold.

Who then are the few?

Am I not supposed to love my neighbor as I love myself?

When good people do nothing, injustice thrives.”

Christine’s ministry is in abolishing human sex-trafficking and slavery, and in the rehabilitation of victimized women and girls.

My heart skips as I type that.

Here is Christine speaking at Liberty University.  Have a look.  Be riveted, as I was... what a testimony and powerful witness. 

“Oh, Lord, my focus is so narrow; so inward. Forgive me.
Please - give me the desires of my heart – but make them first in-line with Yours. Broaden my world and scope of influence for Your glory.  May I leave a legacy of faith; certainly to those that are flesh of my flesh.  And if for Your intents and purposes I can influence anyone beyond the bounds of my small world, then so be it. Open my eyes to see and enable me to be what you intended when you put me here in this place and time.”

 

Have you any unmet desires?  Passions burning?  Inner yearnings so strong that, like me, they make you squirm and pace?

Yes?  Would you join me, then, in praying for God to cause the rhythm of our hearts to beat in sync with His?  And whether he moves us to change direction, or if the passions within us are indeed aimed on the target He designed for us; trust that He’ll give us the power to stay the course and fulfill the desires all in His perfect timing.